Avoid Burnout When You're a Stressed Stay-at-Home Mom

No one wants to admit that taking care of kids 24/7 can lead to burnout.1 But it's not an uncommon part of motherhood, especially if you're a stay-at-home mom.

Luckily, there are things you can do to help avoid overwhelm. You can prevent mommy burnout by taking a few extra steps that stop you from feeling like you're a full-time daycare worker with no breaks or days off.

Avoid Negative People

If your support system isn't behind you, then mommy burnout may quickly appear on the horizon. Avoid negative people who don't have your back.

While you can't avoid everyone, you can make sure the majority of people in your life are supporting you and are always there for you. You sometimes need to exclude unsupportive people from your life.

You need to have a team of people who are positive, on your side, and not judging every decision you make for your family.

Find Your Support System

Just as you want to avoid the negative people as much as possible, you want to surround yourself with as many positive people as you can. If you currently don't have a support system in place, create one.

Find mom friends through playdates, support groups, your children's school, or even standing in the line at the grocery store. Other moms are a wonderful resource because they've been there/done that and can relate to exactly what you're going through now. Confide in your own mom, a sibling, or other relative about the challenges you're currently facing.

Without a good support system in place, you can quickly become an overwhelmed mom headed straight for burnout.

Put Yourself First

Ask most moms who comes first in their house and they'll say it's the kids. But if you're not taking care of yourself, you can't take care of everyone else. Put yourself first. It doesn't mean you're not taking care of your family and doing what's right for them. It simply means that you are the engine of the household and you have to be cared for and supported, or the whole family suffers.

It's not only okay for you to take time for yourself, but it's also something you must do to prevent mommy burnout.

Start a new hobby, take classes for women, or pick up a work-at-home job if it's something you want to try. Those little things you do for yourself make a huge difference in your emotional health and how your household operates without frustration continually mounting.

Spend Time With Your Partner

There's a reason we call them "significant" others. Their role is significant as we go through the many stages of parenting together. Although it is very easy to do, don't put your relationship on the back burner.

As exhausted as you may be at the end of the day, make time for your significant other. A simple daily conversation with your partner can give you the emotional boost you need on those days you're feeling burnout coming on. Connecting with your partner every day makes a huge difference in your outlook for tomorrow.

Simply looking forward to time to decompress with your significant other at the end of the day can get you through those challenging parenting times.

Put Your Partner to Work

Your family is a team and your spouse can help you up off the field when you feel like you just got blitzed by your own players.2 Many partners want to help but we can make them feel like invaders because they're not feeding the kids the way we do or putting them in pajamas the way we would.

Your SO can be a great resource.3 Just step back and let them do their thing. It doesn't matter if the kids eat fruit cocktail instead of the applesauce you prepared after dinner or that they're wearing the horse pajamas instead of the dog pajamas you had planned.

It's very easy for parents to become deadlocked when it comes to helping out.4 Mom has her way of running the ship because she's there all day with the kids. Then your partner comes home and feels better about opting out of helping because he or she doesn't want to interfere with your plans.

Give yourself some relief. The time spent bonding independent of you is good for your partner and your kids.

Watch Your Gadget Time

Recent Pew Research reporting found that half of the kids studied (51%) felt their parents were often distracted by their own gadgets.5 Not only do your kids see you with your technology in your face all the time, but you're also giving yourself unnecessary stress with all that tech time.

With all of those perfect parent Facebook posts you see in your timeline, you're only putting unrealistic pressure on yourself to be that perfect parent like your Facebook friends. Remember, not everyone is going to be completely honest about their life as a parent.

Most of your friends are not going to post on social media about the frustrating mom days when her youngest attempted to flush an entire pack of baby wipes down the toilet while the oldest took a dozen eggs outside to see if he could fry up some lunch on the hood of the brand-new family car.

Go gadget-free for most of the day and almost instantly you'll feel like a weight has been lifted from you.

Stop Feeling Like You're Failing

Moms seem to have an inner critic who never sleeps. This inner critic makes them question just about everything, including their performance as parents. That constant criticism isn't good for anyone and makes you feel like you're failing as a parent. Be bold and tell your inner critic to shut up! You're doing a great job.

Some days you'll feel like you're barely surviving at-home parenting. But you're a good mom and you can't win every parenting struggle. In fact, you don't even need to try to win every parenting battle.

Get Some Sleep

Typically, we think of mommy burnout as something that moms of newborns experience, especially because of sleep deprivation. But mommy burnout can happen at any time if mom isn't getting enough rest.

Get some sleep, mom. Regardless of your children's ages, they need a good night's sleep.

And you need a good night's sleep to keep mommy burnout at bay.

After all, no one functions well if they haven't slept long enough. Add kids into the equation and you definitely need to get some good rest to be a happy mom ready to face another day of sibling spats, diaper changes, and driving kids all over town.

Just Say No

You can't do everything so don't even try. Saying no may make you feel guilty that you're not doing everything that is asked of you. But it shouldn't.

You have to know when to say no. You are one person and you can't do it all.

In other words, say no to the PTA bake sale, sewing costumes for the school play, and volunteering as a coach for this season's soccer team. Limit the projects you accept to two or even one at a time and make sure you're not the go-to person month after month. Otherwise you'll set yourself up for mommy burnout on a massive scale.

Resist Over-Scheduling Your Family

Just as you need to know when to say no for yourself, you need to know when to say no to your kids. It's impossible to get your daughter to dance class at 4, shoot across town to drop your oldest son at soccer practice by 4:30 and criss-cross back across the city to get your youngest to T-ball by 5.

Over-scheduling your kids can easily lead to burnout for all of you, so know when to say no to save your sanity. There's always next season for that sports team or other activity.

Try to build in at least one day during the week that your family doesn't have to be anywhere after school. Simplify your days to add in that free time and you'll make mommy burnout less likely.

Let Your Child Do Things

Sometimes it's easier to do things for our kids than to get them to do it themselves. But raising an independent child who understands responsibility begins with letting them do things for themselves.

Sure it may not be easier to let your son pour his own orange juice. He'll probably spill some of it on the counter. However he can learn how to do it for himself while also giving you a break at the same time.

He'll be proud of his accomplishment, even if it's not perfect, and he'll soon be ready to take on bigger responsibilities. The more he takes on himself, the less you have to do. Every little bit helps you.

Take a Break

Yes, it's true. You deserve a break from your child. Find a mom's-day-out program that works around your schedule. See if a family member would like to have a standing playdate for your child to come over for an hour or two or just every now and then.

Start a babysitting co-op to swap babysitting time with other parents at no cost to you. Look into childcare options that are flexible and affordable. And don't forget your break shouldn't only be used for you to run errands or do chores.

Use your break for "you-time," a night out (or even a night in) with your girlfriends, or a date night with your spouse.

Look for Signs of Stress

The continual demands of parenting can easily lead to stress. And stress can quickly lead to mommy burnout. If you don't take breaks, get sleep, and have others helping you out, to name a few, that stress continues to add up.6 You never have time to recharge yourself and you may find everything feels like it's piling up on you

Look for the signs of stress in yourself. Also recognize if you're actually feeling the symptoms of depression. It's easy to become a stressed-out mom or depressed mom. Don't be afraid to seek help. As much as you love your kids, parenting can take its toll on you. Talk to your doctor honestly so that you can get back to being a happy, healthy mom.

If you or a loved one are struggling with anxiety or depression, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Common Causes of Stress for Mothers

Children bring joy, love, and countless gifts to our lives, and there is no deeper bond than that between mother and child. However, with the commitment to nurture another human being from infancy to adulthood (and beyond!) comes an additional load of stress, and the stress that comes with motherhood can be significant. While each mother may face unique stressors, many demands of motherhood and the stressors experienced are virtually universal. A high percentage of mothers feel stress in the following areas:

Time Demands

 With all the care and nurturing that children require, as well as the additional demands of extra people in the household, most mothers feel a shortness of time. Whether it’s a lack of sufficient time to get the laundry done, time to spend just playing with the kids, time to one’s self, or time for dozens of other important activities, many mothers find that there are simply not enough hours in the day to do everything that they need or would like to do.

Finances

Whether using daycare, a nanny, or surrendering a full income to stay at home, caring for children is expensive. As they grow into new clothes, new activities, and eventually off to college, each child can pose a strain on a family’s budget. While children are more than worth the expense, parents do tend to face greater financial stress.

Relationship Demands

As mothers invest the necessary time into their relationships with their children, sometimes other relationships take a back seat, especially when children are young and need more attention. Mothers of young children often feel torn between meeting the needs of their little one and still having the energy for stimulating conversation, playful times and even sex with the partner who helped create the baby.

They may also find it more difficult to make time for their friends as they juggle the responsibilities of motherhood. Also, as children grow and change, mothers can change and grow in new directions, which can also put pressure on longstanding relationships. Single mothers can face this to an even greater degree, especially when it comes to dating.

Protective Instincts

Charged with the responsibility to care for a vulnerable young soul and nurture this sweet life to adulthood, many mothers feel the world to be a more perilous place than it once seemed. From the days when toddlers are climbing the walls and putting everything in their mouths to the days when teens are driving (without us) and preparing for college, there is a multitude of dangers our children face, and therefore stresses that mothers face. Mothers also worry about their children’s behavior and social development, which makes every new stage of development a challenge.

Self Doubt

There’s also the fear that many mothers have that they’re not doing a good enough job. Because each child has unique temperament traits, needs, and quirks, and because children grow and change all the time, it’s impossible to apply a one-size-fits-all approach to mothering. That means that mothers are constantly reevaluating what they’re doing, looking for new insights (from parenting experts who often disagree with one another on major issues), and trying to stay one step ahead of their kids to be their best as mothers. Often, there are mysteries to be solved, crises to handle, and fires to put out along the way. It’s easy for mothers to question themselves, and become stressed by the consequences of making a mistake. It’s all part of being a conscientious mother.

Time Alone

Finally, among these issues (as well as others not mentioned), many mothers find it difficult to make time and save energy to care for themselves. Gone are most of the spa treatments, personal enrichment activities and even hobbies of the pre-child days once a woman’s responsibilities multiply with the advent of motherhood. Sadly, many of us need this time to be alone, reflect, explore in a journal, and take care of ourselves to be in a good position to care for others.

So, faced with all of the stressful demands of raising children, what’s a mother to so she can maintain some sanity and serenity?

Common Marriage Problems and Solutions

 

Relationships offer wonderful benefits for wellbeing, life satisfaction, and stress management, but none are without their challenges. These issues can put a strain on a couple, but working through them can either strengthen their bond or push them apart, depending on how they handle the challenges they face.

Working through marriage problems in a healthy way can be very difficult, especially because stressors in a marriage can come from many different sources. The following are some of the most common sources of marital stress and marriage problems.

Money Problems

The stress of fighting over money constitutes one of the most oft-cited marriage problems that couples face. Generally speaking, when couples engage in conflicts about money, their dispute is really symbolic of something different—power struggles, different values and needs, or other issues that surround money.

However, in tough economic times, financial stress can actually cause more general stress, more conflict over things unrelated to money, and well as money-centered arguments as well. (For example, when one partner is extremely stressed about money, they may be less patient and more stressed in general; they may then pick fights with the other partner about unrelated things without even realizing it!)

Issues with Children

The advent of children brings another potential source of marriage problems. Children are wonderful, and can bring wonderful and meaningful gifts into our lives. However, having children can bring additional stress into a marriage because the caretaking of children requires more responsibility as well as a change in roles, provides more fodder for disagreement and strain, and reduces the amount of time available to bond as a couple. This combination can test even the strongest of bonds.

Daily Stress

Daily stressors don’t need to equal marriage problems, but they can exacerbate problems that already exist. When one partner has had a stressful day, they may be more likely to be impatient when they get home, they may handle conflict less expertly, and may have less emotional energy to devote to nurturing their partner and their relationship.

When both partners have had a difficult day, this of course is only exacerbated. As with financial stress, general daily stress can test patience and optimism, leaving couples with less to give to one another emotionally.

Busy Schedules

Marriage problems can result from overly busy schedules for a few reasons. First, couples who are very busy may find themselves generally stressed as well, especially if they’re not taking care of themselves with quality sleep and good nutrition.

Additionally, they may find themselves less connected because they have less time to spend together and more separateness in their lives. Finally, if they don’t work together as a team (even if their responsibilities are completely separate if they don’t coordinate to cover all responsibilities well), they may find themselves fighting over who’s taking care of which household and social responsibilities.

Again, while busy schedules don’t automatically lead to marriage problems, they do present a challenge that needs to be worked through.

Poor Communication

Perhaps the biggest predictor of marriage problems is poor communication or negative communication that belies damaging attitudes and dynamics within the relationship.

Negative communication is so damaging, in fact, that researcher John Gottman and his team have been able to predict with a very high degree of certainty which newlywed couples would later divorce, based on watching their communication dynamics for a few minutes.

Healthy communication is key; unhealthy communication can lead to major marriage problems.

Bad Habits

Sometimes couples experience marriage problems that could be solved if the two could notice their habits and change them. People don't always make a conscious decision to argue over petty things, nag and be critical, or leave messes for the other to clean, for example.

They get busy or distracted, stress builds, and they go on autopilot. Then they find themselves following the same patterns they hadn't realized they were choosing in the first place.

People just get into negative patterns of relating, fall into lazy personal habits, or get into a rut that they perpetuate out of habit.

A Word From Verywell

Fortunately, these marriage problems can be worked on. Even if only one partner is consciously trying to change, any change can bring a shift in the dynamic of the relationship, which can bring positive results.

Coping With Financial Stress in Your Life

 If you're worried about money, you're not alone. Money is a common source of stress for American adults. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association (APA), 72% of adults report feeling stressed about money, whether it's worrying about paying rent or feeling bogged down by debt. This is pretty significant given financial stress is linked to so many health issues.

How Financial Stress Affects Your Health

Although any stress can take a toll on your health, stress related to financial issues can be especially toxic. Financial stress can lead to:

• Poor physical health: Ongoing stress about money has been linked to migraines, heart disease, diabetes, sleep problems, and more.2 Left untreated, these conditions can lead to life-threatening illnesses, which can plunge you even further into debt.
• Delayed healthcare: With less money in the budget, people who are already under financial stress tend to cut corners in areas they shouldn't, like healthcare. According to Gallup's annual Health and Healthcare poll, 29% of American adults held off seeking medical care in 2018 because of cost. Though this tactic may seem like a good way to keep costs down, delaying medical care can actually lead to worse health outcomes and higher costs,3 both of which can lead to more stress.
• Poor mental health: In many instances, the link between mental and financial health is cyclical—poor financial health can lead to poor mental health, which leads to increasingly poor financial health, and so on. For years, studies have shown that people in debt have higher rates of mental health issues like depression and anxiety than those who are debt-free.
• Unhealthy coping behaviors: Financial stress can cause you to engage in a variety of unhealthy behaviors, from overeating to alcohol and drug misuse. According to an APA survey published in 2014, 33% of Americans reported eating unhealthy foods or eating too much to deal with stress.

How to Cope With Financial Stress

Learning to cope with financial stress and effectively manage your financial situation can help you feel more in control of your life, reduce your stress, and build a more secure future. Try some of the following tips to get started:

Understand the debt cycle. Understanding debt is the first step to getting yourself out of it. Once you know how to break out, you can start building toward your future in a more positive way with simple habits that are easy to maintain.

Create extra sources of income. If you're feeling stressed about finances, you likely already feel you need more money in your budget. But knowing how to increase your financial holdings without creating significant stress for yourself can be tricky, too. Thankfully, there are several ways to boost your income and relieve your stress.

Declutter your budget. Since life is rarely constant, regular budget checkups are essential to improving your financial health. Take control of your finances by setting aside some time to schedule, organize, and declutter all of the money coming in and out of your bank account. The more control you have, the less stress you will feel.

Don't forget general stress management. As you work on improving your financial situation, you can reduce stress by practicing stress-reducing techniques and making other changes to create a low-stress lifestyle.

A Word From Verywell

If you feel that the stress of your financial situation is too much for you to handle, it's important to share your concerns and not just keep them to yourself. Talk about your money concerns with trusted friends and family. You don’t have to go into details if you aren’t comfortable with them, but the more you talk about your concerns with your support system, the less isolated and stressed you will feel. Your loved ones may even be able to offer a new perspective on what you could do differently to get your financial issue under control.